Sunday, January 11, 2009

Doomed Projects for '09: "G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra"

Ever since its production company has released the official cast and the photos from the upcoming movie G.I. JOE, it has been met with negative reactions from forecasting critics and diehard fans of the original 80's animated series alike.

GI JOE: THE RISE OF COBRA is set to be released on August 7, 2009 but its already screaming as if it needs to be rebooted ALREADY. It's not easy for the fans to see something they have loved and have been part of their childhood, turned into garbage & bask in ultimate SUCKage... then wait for like 5 to 10 years till the movie would be rebooted the proper way. Yes, we prejudge it. but it's the kind of prejudging that's close to common sense. I mean DUH!!! You put the STEP UP guy as DUKE? Alter the ALREADY-REALISTIC costumes? & get the Van Helsing director? to direct this project? One would assume that what we'll be getting is more or less another Schumacher-Batman, or Van Damme-Streetfighter, or merely a Power Rangers.

maybe Sommers and Tatum will surprise us with a good movie
but on one hand, THAT could be a surprise. On the other hand, we also have what we may consider as a well-calculated anticipation. One that says this will be a doomed project. The kind of thing that will make people embarassed of having loved G.I. Joe.

1. THE CAST - The casting of teen-hearthrob disco dummy Channing Tatum is bad enough & reeks of being a marketing scheme rather than an intelligent choice to fit the role. What's worse is that he originally wanted no part in G.I. Joe, which he felt glorified war. Once he read the script though, he realized the franchise was a fantasy akin to X-Men, Mission: Impossible and Star Wars rather than a war film. Oh I see... disco dummy (pretentious-hippie-cause) Channing Tatum is going to approach this like a fantasy flick??? Well, G.I. Joe IS and SHOULD BE a war movie. EVERYBODY who truly KNOWS the G.I. Joe series KNOWS THAT.
There is also the casting of goofy comedian Marlon Wayans as Ripcord and Angels in the Outfield star Joseph Gordon Levitt as Cobra Commander.

2. THE COSTUMES - Have you even seen the look of the characters in this movie? Duke, Scarlett, HEavy Duty and Ripcord are all wearing this futuristic black X-men-like uniform. Everybody who knows G.I.Joe knows that these guys are military soldiers, not super-heroes. The original costumes are original enough... cant they just copy that?

3. THE VISION & DIRECTION - Stephen Sommers has a track record that includes colorful and oftentimes chaotic fantasy films that rely incredibly on CGI and possess no other charm aside from its forgettable graphics. His movies include The Mummy, The Mummy Returns, and the really awful Van Helsing; all movies that are equal to zero or garbage if not for their graphics. These are popcorn movies. Movies that may be fun, if only for the moment, but quickly forgotten. The essence of G.I. Joe is pure action. Hardcore ballistic war action. It may not be a smart movie to put somebody who is used to making movies about large monsters jumping around or heroes jumping around making corny jokes, into a project like this which may have great potential to be "Dark Knight caliber" if it were to be done smartly.

In my opinion, the original G.I. Joe storyline (as based in the TV series and the comics) tackles something that is relevant in this day and age: the war against terrorism. It is a storyline that may be given a make-over that could fit realistically in this day and age of paranoia and conflict. Obviously, everybody who has been fans of the animation are all adults now. There is no demand to make the G.I. Joe series stoop down to cartoon network levels just for the sake of merchandising.

INDICATION that this movie will be a surefire failure? Just look at its marketing. News about this movie is slow and almost non-existent. They are either intentionally keeping mum for a surprise. Or theyve realized the silliness of their upcoming project, so much so that theyve chosen not to let their babies out in the open for the critics to attack it before it could even be released.

1 comment:

Skron said...

Ha ha. I just made a post and ranked GI Joe as my 5th most anticipated comics to film. But, yeah, I know this film will suck, and you're right on all accounts. Especially the good-looking cast. The only thing right about this film is Ray Park playing Snake Eyes.