NACHO LIBRE

NACHO LIBRE
WILD & OUTRAGEOUSLY FUNNY
By Reymundo Salao

Nacho (Jack Black) is a man without skills. After growing up in a Mexican monastery, he is now a grown man and the monastery's cook, but doesn't seem to fit in. Nacho cares deeply for the orphans he feeds, but his food is terrible – mostly, if you ask him, a result of his terrible ingredients. He realizes he must hatch a plan to make money to buy better food for "the young orphans, who have nothing" (…and if in doing so Nacho can impress the lovely Sister Encarnación, that would be a big plus).

When Nacho is struck by the idea to earn money as a Lucha Libre wrestler, he finds that he has a natural, raw talent for wrestling. As he teams with his rail-thin, unconventional partner, Esqueleto (the Skeleton), Nacho feels for the first time in his life that he has something to fight for and a place where he belongs.


As Lucha is strictly forbidden by the church elders at the monastery, Nacho is forced to lead a double life. Disguised by a sky blue mask, Nacho conceals his true identity as he takes on Mexico's most famous wrestlers and takes on a hilarious quest to make life a little sweeter at the orphanage. (Synopsis from Paramount Pictures)

NACHO LIBRE is the incredible combination of comedy superstar Jack Black and director Jared Hess who has immortalized the quirky cult icon "Napoleon Dynamite" Together, they make a perfect combination for project such as this. Jack Black has certainly risen to comedy kingship fame from back when he started with very minor roles in "Cable Guy" and "The Jackal" among many other roles where he was playing just "some dude" roles. Not after he broke through with lead roles in "High Fidelity" and "Shallow Hal", and being the front man of his band Tenacious D, did he get to become an unforgettable actor that fans would begin to adore. He finally gained widespread popularity with "School of Rock" and one of the leading roles in "King Kong" wherein he got to show his more serious acting. But in "Nacho Libre", Jack Black is back at what he does best: being hilarious, funny and weird. He slams, bams, and even sings in this movie. And for Jack Black to play a half-Mexican with such a Mexican accent that according to him, is patterned after Ricardo Montalban in his performance in the movie "Star Trek: Wrath of Khan", Black has pulled off one very memorable iconic comedy characters.

Jack Black's wild acting melds well with Jared Hess' style. Hess is a master at intentionally making unintentional scenes look funny. Hess knows how to make a scene that doesn’t really come off as a joke, but you find yourself chokingly giggling to it. Likewise, He certainly knows how to make hilarious scenarios out of simple awkward moments and even awkward cinematography. It's as if it could play safe, that in case it wont make people laugh, it could get away with an excuse--i wasnt trying to make you laugh! The cool part is that it never comes off as cheap and slapsticky, but rather comes off with enough style and a touch of artistry to it, especially with the focus on vibrant colors and the picturesque setting. Even the most minor scene looks like a bossa-nova postcard.

The film also has the wackiest lines. (I wont tell you: I don’t wana spoil the humor impact) Lines that you will surely repeat over and over after you’ve watched the movie.

Hess also displays his knack for oddities. It is what has become his signature style, which is the employment of the silliest looking actors, actresses and extras, having them act in the most realistically silly way, and also the use of the silliest fashion statements, preferably the forgotten designs of the 60's and 70's.

As comedic as it may seem, Nacho Libre is actually inspired by true events (!) In Mexico, there was once a Luchador who was known as Fray Tormenta, and has had a 23-year long career as a lucha libre wrestler. Of course, everybody thought at first that his claiming to be a Fray (friar) was part of the whole dramatic luchador image. But his fans were later shocked to find that behind the mask, he really is a friar who moonlights as a wrestler in order to raise funds for the orphanage where he works at. Beneath NACHO LIBRE’s layer of comedy, lies a very beautiful storyline about valiance and charity.

The humor of NACHO LIBRE is far more refreshing from the mediocre slapstick of recent comedy flicks. Some may find the humor of Nacho Libre very unusual, but it never fails to be corny. Me and my friends had a gigglefest watching this movie. One of those few comedies that electrify you with laughter up from the very first seconds of the film, up to the end. NACHO LIBRE is the Wackiest movie I’ve seen since the days of the classic comedy flicks of Tito Vic and Joey and Rene Requiestas. And it manages to be artsy-fartsy beautiful. NACHO LIBRE is a non-stop party of humor.

Screening Schedules This Week (07-26-06)

ROBINSONS MOVIEWORLD
PIRATES of the CARIBBEAN: Dead Man's Chest
11 AM, 1:45 PM, 4:30, 7:15 PM
Sukob
1:15 PM, 3:15, 5:15, 7:15 PM
I Wanna Be Happy
12:45 PM, 2:55, 5:05, 7:15 PM
Nacho Libre
1:15 PM, 3:15, 5:15, 7:15 PM

SM CITY CINEMA
I Wanna Be Happy
11 AM, 1 PM, 3, 5, 7, 9 PM
Nacho Libre
11 AM, 12:40 PM, 2:20, 4, 5:40, 7:20, 9 PM
White Lady
11:25 AM, 1:20 PM, 3:15, 5:10, 7:05, 9 PM
Sukob
11:25 AM, 1:20 PM, 3:15, 5:10, 7:05, 9 PM
PIRATES of the CARIBBEAN: Dead Man's Chest
12:45 PM, 3:30, 6:15, 9 PM
Superman Returns
12:30 PM, 3:20, 6:10, 9 PM

Captain Barbell (the GMA TV Series)

It was a MIRACLE that I wasnt able to have this article in my BLOG the same time I sent it in the local newspaper which bears my film review column. I mustve forgotten.
ANYWAY, this article has recently caused a little controversy in the newspaper that I write in, because according to our editor, the GMA Executives were able to get a copy of my review and mandated to NOT advertise in our newspaper anymore because of this article.
Sure, it may have been an SPIKY opinion. But an OPINION nonetheless. It may be my fault to the PAPER, but NOT my fault to my opinion. If I'll be fired, well I really have no right to complain.
I have to say this, though: our local entertainment business remains childish and unprogressive because they never seem to take criticism lightly. They arrogantly ignore to hear THEIR faults instead of learning from them.
I had admired the GMA Network for their many breakthroughs. Funny, I criticize ONE of their lousy shows and I get to realize that theyre not as mature as they seem to be.


It's a bird, it's a plane, it's... A DUDE IN A GOLD-COLORED NINJA TURTLE COSTUME!

CAPTAIN DUMB-BELL
By Reymundo Salao

A year ago, GMA Network launched what has become one of the most successful TV series in Philippine entertainment and revolutionized the sci-fi fantasy genre in our local film & television industry; ENCANTADIA. It was a TV series that was very successful, not only because it had big special effects and elegant costumes, but also because it took the sci-fi fantasy genre seriously; in a nutshell, it was one of the few projects that really had originality.
(REMEMBER when I GLORIFIED Encantadia with this article?--CLICK TO LINK)

With the success of that series, I would’ve thought that greater things would come, that we should only expect things to get better. For more than two weeks ago, the series CAPTAIN BARBELL was launched, a TV series that proved only one thing: I was wrong. CB (Captain Barbell) was a step far behind and back down the lines of decent entertainment quality and a clear devolution back into being a lower form of entertainment. Captain Barbell suffers from a gross lack of originality.

First & foremost, the original Capt. Barbell already has an existing storyline which is already a very smart, very witty, and very interesting storyline of a skinny kid known as "Tengteng" who, whenever he lifts the mystic barbell given to him by a strange hermit, transforms into the muscle-bound hero known as Capt. Barbell. Only a few of the elements from the original storyline created by Mars Ravelo were altered and improved in the adaptation of the Bob Soler-Dolphy and Herbert Bautista-Edu Manzano movies of Captain Barbell. Among them was a funny emphasis on Tengteng's love interest, who, before knowing of Captain Barbell, was still in love with Tengteng, but when she met Capt. Barbell, immediately diverted her attention onto the musclebound hero. In addition, there is the dramatic contrast of Tengteng's skinny features with his alter-ego, the musclebound, evil-crushing Capt. Barbell.

I am tempted to imagine that there is some kind of influence that has put Richard Gutierez on both roles because, if he plays only one role of either Tengteng or Capt. Barbell, he would have a very minor screen time. And of course, he wouldn’t take a minor role. Even though, in my opinion, the Imaw the puppet in Encantadia is a better actor than he is. In this act of actor-worship committed by the producers of the show, they have destroyed the one element that has made Capt. Barbell unique among any other local superheroes, also eliminated the chances to make great storylines out of this comedic scenario that CB has with his skinny alter-ego Teng-teng.

In furtherance of what appears to be superstar-worship on the part of the producers, their version of Teng-teng is named in a seemingly pop idol nickname "Teng" whose only distinct feature apart from his Capt Barbell persona is a silly little facial scar. It borderlines itself to hilarious comedy that what hides another's secret identity is a lack of cosmetics that will take off facial blemishes. Maybe it is superstar-worship at work that the scar is made so small and the Teng-“look" so non-pathetic that it still qualifies as “teen flick protagonist look”. I can imagine the actor telling the producers "Please, don’t make me too ugly... I still want to look gwapo"

If the producers only had some manner of artistic sense and less of that stereotype tacky-minded and narrow-minded factor, they should’ve cast people who indeed fit the roles of Tengteng and Captain Barbell; Maybe some skinny comedian like Pekto or Rainier Castillo for Tengteng, and they should’ve had auditions for bodybuilders who are fitting enough for the role and have the talent to act.

GROSS LACK OF ORIGINALITY
A single afternoon episode of CONDORILLA has MORE originality than the entire 2 or more weeks of the Capt. Barbell series since its start, up till the present episode. Each and every detail of the characters and incidents in the Captain Barbell series has been unmistakably similar to the sequences in the Superman movies (both in Smallville and in Superman the movie). Unmistakably similar to a point that it would be unbelieveable to qualify it as something coincidental. The gross lack of originality that surrounds this project is so severe that one would jump to the conclusion that the show's pool of writers are a bunch of talentless hacks. Even the character's names are hilariously un-original; In the show, Cabtain Barbell's parents are named Capt. B and his wife, Mrs. B. Their enemy is simply known as General. And his henchman that killed Capt. B is Commander X (to make things worse, his appearance & costume design looks exactly like Peque Gallaga's "Batang X" which makes the character a grown-up version of Batang X). Are their writers so untalented that they can’t even give decent believable character names? They all sound like characters from a laundry soap commercial.

Captain Barbell is laced with numerous ridiculous sequences too. Some of the heroes would face off against Robotic foot soldiers clearly armed with laser rifles yet, when they fight each other, they often end up resorting to mere fisticuff & martial arts.

Instead of utilizing what already is an established and original storyline of a Pinoy superhero, the producers of the show tarnished that Pinoy superhero reputation by making their own version, which is a mere copycat of the obviously popular Superman storyline.

Before Superman’s parents would die, they sent their son to Earth via a space pod; before CB’s parents died, they sent their son to present-day Earth via Time pod. Even though time pods travel through time, we see the time pod on the CB show zooming like a falling meteor, apparently traveling from outer space instead of from another time dimension.

The Captain Barbell TV series insults the reputation of the Filipino talent in the field of TV & movies. Instead of cleaning the reputation, it makes the local industry look worse. Sure, the masses may love it; their ratings may soar; but history will remember it to be an embarrassing project that makes the local industry look bad. These big production and network companies have the power to influence the taste of the masses. Look at ENCANTADIA. It was smart, refreshing and inventive, and it did not stop the masses from loving it.

Screening Schedules This Week (07-19-06)

ROBINSONS MOVIEWORLD
PIRATES of the CARIBBEAN: Dead Man's Chest
11 AM, 1:45 PM, 4:30, 7:15 PM
White Lady
1:15 PM, 3:15, 5:15, 7:15 PM
R.V. Runaway Vacation
1:15 PM, 3:15, 5:15, 7:15 PM
Lovewrecked
1:15 PM, 3:15, 5:15, 7:15 PM
See No Evil
1:15 PM, 3:15, 5:15, 7:15 PM

SM CITY CINEMA
R.V. Runaway Vacation
12:15 PM, 2 PM, 3:45, 5:30, 7:15, 9 PM
PIRATES of the CARIBBEAN: Dead Man's Chest
12:45 PM, 3:30, 6:15, 9 PM
White Lady
11:25 AM, 1:20 PM, 3:15, 5:10, 7:05, 9 PM
Superman Returns
12:30 PM, 3:20, 6:10, 9 PM
Lovewrecked
12:15 PM, 2 PM, 3:45, 5:30, 7:15, 9 PM
The Nun
12:15 PM, 2 PM, 3:45, 5:30, 7:15, 9 PM

PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN: DEAD MAN’S CHEST

PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN: DEAD MAN’S CHEST
By Reymundo Salao

Time has ran out for Captain Jack Sparrow (Johnny Depp) as he has a blood debt to the legendary pirate Davy Jones, ruler of the Ocean Depths, lord of a monstrous crew of dark legions, and captain of the ghostly ship Flying Dutchman. And since Jack is now a marked man, he and the crew of his ship the Black Pearl, races against time to find a way out of his damnation. On the way, they face different odds, from a bizarre cannibal islander tribe to the mythical Kraken itself. Meanwhile, the wedding of Will Turner (Orlando Bloom) and Elizabeth Swann (Keira Knightley) was interrupted by pirate hunter Lord Cutler Beckett (Tom Hollander) of the East India Corporation, who's had the couple arrested. Beckett coerces Will to retrieve for him the mystic compass of Jack Sparrow, soon thereafter, Jack and Will are reunited to face danger together once more. Elizabeth manages to escape detention and later finds Jack as well. As the seas grow wilder with Davy Jones’ wrath, we find that Beckett, Sparrow, Will, and the rest of the sea rats in this tale of high seas adventure are all after the fabled "Dead Man's Chest." According to legend, whoever possesses the Dead Man's Chest gains control of Davy Jones, and whoever controls Davy Jones, controls the seas.

This is the sequel of the smash hit "Pirates of the Caribbean: Curse of the Black Pearl". It reunites its colorful and swashbuckling cast, its production team, and its director Gore Verbinski. While Pirates of the Caribbean is actually based on the Disney theme-park ride of the same title, the storyline takes a life of its own and with this sequel; it continues to grow, soon to become a full trilogy. But while the film can manage to stand alone apart from the first movie with its mass-driving appeal, it would still be best if one is at least familiar with what has transpired on the previous movie, because many of the secondary and minor characters from part 1 reappear in this movie, such as Jonathan Pryce, who plays Elizabeth Swann's father, Governor Wetherby Swann (and other surprise appearances as well).

The storyline injects subplots with interesting layers that add to the depth of each and every character. You have Jack Sparrow carrying out his own freewheeling sense of adventure; Elizabeth Swann follows her own plot-twisting fate, and Jack Turner with his own personal quest. But despite the spotlight on the main characters, the movie never fails to share that spotlight with the rest of the interesting crew of characters, which includes the two formerly-ghost-pirates who survived the battle of the previous movie.


The visuals were stunningly superb. Not only in terms of CGI effects, but also of the sceneries and the settings it has. From the tropical mountainous regions to white sand beaches that glimmer in surreal beauty. Then, there is director Gore Verbinski's formula for adventurous fun, particularly with his inventive sequences that remind me of Spielberg's craftiness for non-stop action scenes like those in the old "Indiana Jones" movies. The kind of action-adventure that really makes you sweat in cinematic marvel and the thrilling intensity of a roller-coaster ride: Continuous and seemingly never pauses half a second for a break. The film's quality is reminiscent of Spielberg's early blockbuster hits; the kind that has good acting, a well-developed storyline and an underlined emphasis on Grade A eye candy.

But not to be easily dismissed as just mere eye candy, the film manages to pull off a really interesting storyline as well. By the time the excitement settles down, you may find that it is hard to compare this movie with the storyline of other recent movies of the same genre as well, since it does carry its own sense of originality.


Orlando Bloom has further proved that he is more of an action-adventure actor despite his “non-action hero cliché look”, compensating on his skills as an actor that can evoke a strong onscreen personality. Keira Knightley is not only unbelievably beautiful but also carries the rugged high-seas adventurer look with just enough gutsy spirit for a character with such strong convictions.

The main villain Davy Jones is one cool mean machine villain. The kind of villain that would do both send shivers down your spine and capture your sympathy and admiration for his ruthless charismatic coolness, enough to make you just want to vote him as villain of the year. Davy Jones is played by Bill Nighy who appeared in “Love Actually” and made his mark as one of the more cool characters in the vampire saga "Underworld" playing the Vampire Elder Viktor. Nighy injects such a menacing energy as Jones, Having such a biting stare that can be noticed even with the CGI tentacles around his face. An acting performance that is never upstaged by the visual effects. The entire look of an octopus-like Davy Jones synchs well with Nighy's performance as an outstanding actor.

Jack Sparrow certainly has become an action adventure icon, an instant beloved antihero swashbuckler immortalized by Johnny Depp's comedic charm. Ever-funny, ever-weird, this cartoonish rocker pirate was inspired by Rolling Stone Rock N' Roll legend Keith Richards, who supposedly had a role in this movie, but promises to appear in Pirates of the Caribbean 3. Yes, there is going to be a part 3, since this filmed was filmed side-by-side the filming of the part 3, and it is due out next year.

At $132 million dollars domestically in its opening weekend, this movie smashed the previously believed "unbreakable" record of $114.8 million dollars that “Spider-Man” held. It is the biggest weekend opener of all time. Being the kind of movie that appeals to all ages, it defines the reason why we go to watch movies in the first place: To be entertained. And this movie is indeed Sheer Entertainment. Undeniably this summer’s biggest thrill-ride, PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN: DEAD MAN’S CHEST is definitely a roller-coaster of action, laughter, cheers, thrills, and high seas pirate adventure.

Screening Schedules This Week (07-12-06)

ROBINSONS MOVIEWORLD
PIRATES of the CARIBBEAN: Dead Man's Chest
10:45 AM, 1:35 PM, 4:25, 7:15 PM
The Nun
1:15 PM, 3:15, 5:15, 7:15 PM
Superman Returns
12:45 PM, 4, 7:15 PM
The Lake House
1:15 PM, 3:15, 5:15, 7:15 PM

SM CITY CINEMA
The Lake House
11:50 AM, 1:40 PM. 3:30, 5:20, 7:10, 9 PM
PIRATES of the CARIBBEAN: Dead Man's Chest
12 PM, 3, 6, 9 PM
PIRATES of the CARIBBEAN: Dead Man's Chest
1 PM, 4, 7 PM
The Fast & The Furious: Tokyo Drift
11:25 AM, 1:20 PM, 3:15, 5:10, 7:05, 9 PM
Superman Returns
12:30 PM, 3:20, 6:10, 9 PM
PIRATES of the CARIBBEAN: Dead Man's Chest
11 AM, 2 PM, 5, 8 PM
The Nun
12:15 PM, 2 PM, 3:45, 5:30, 7:15, 9 PM

BEATING THE CRAP OUT OF SUPERMAN (Junkie Article)

By Reymundo Salao

I have been surfing a lot on the net lately and have been hovering by the message boards and online forums of cinema websites and have noticed a great deal of a clash of opinions towards the new Superman movie. It seems that although it has gained some praises from many critics, that impact is balanced by the somewhat similar percentage of people who hated the movie. It actually has taken quite a beating with bad reviews from respected film critics like Roger Ebert.

I, for one, also think (since my review last week was a bit mellow on the point) that it was indeed a really bad movie. Let me restate a quote from one of the forum-posters which I can agree with: “A 22-minute episode of the Superman Animated Series is WAY BETTER than the more-than-2-hours Superman Returns Movie” SUPERMAN RETURNS lacks balance. It’s a Superhero movie but it lacks the action, it strives to be innocent but it injects some slightly immoral values. It tries to boast a serious storyline, but it’s flooded by incredibly various childish plot-holes. It’s Superman but it feels like Super Soap Opera.

Here are some interesting and laughable errors and flaws of the movie. Some of these are parts of my draft from last week’s review, while some are taken from the internet. Perhaps you have thought of these too. (Contains Spoilers)

- We all know that Superman is the “boy scout” of all superheroes; he is supposed to stand for Truth, Justice, and all that is supposed to be Good… Yet in the movie, he excels in Cheating on Lois’ boyfriend, being a peeping tom, being a stalker, had an illegitimate child out of wedlock from an ex, and just plain arrogant vanity (remember the ballpark scene, Superman intentionally stood at the entrance of the plane, soaking in the attention and making sure cameras had captured him perfectly before leaving?)

- Luthor is supposed to pride in himself as the “greatest criminal mastermind” yet, his schemes were a bit too idiotic. He wishes to create a Kyptonite continent which he says would be a great beachfront real estate using data crystals he stole from Superman’s Fortress of Solitude. Duh. If he wanted great real estate property, he should’ve sold those crystals and used the money to buy Boracay. He’s so dumb, he hasn’t even set up a plan if air strikes or sniper teams would try to take him out. In addition, he should’ve brought in a month-long supply of popcorn & using those data crystals, learned EVERYTHING there is to know about killing Superman, & loads of secrets more! Who knows? Maybe the info on those crystals teaches you how to make fuel out of cockroaches?

- Superman’s Fortress of Solitude is made out of alien hyper technology with NO… Absolutely… No security? Doesn’t Superman know he has enemies? How can he be so irresponsible to simply leave the place with potential Earth-destroying material out in the open? Is he retarded ?

- Superman is rendered useless and puny by a small Kryptonite, right? Lex proved that, so, how come he can still lift the entire Krypto-continent with kryptonite sticking in his face literally? Okay, its desperation, but so much of it around he cant even move, how does he manage that?

- You need an Ocean Liner to travel to the Artic circle; you're not going to get there in the mini-yacht that Luthor inherited.

- You're not walking around the artic in a triple fat goose. (The remoteness of the location and the uninhabitable temperature was part of the security system) You need specialized clothing to keep from freezing to death almost instantly.

- Underwater earthquakes cause tidal waves. Everyone who doesn't live in a cave should know that (Remember Indonesia?). How is it an Earth quake to place right up to the shores of Metropolis with no effect on the surface of the water? And minimial effect on land?

- How is it that a big-ass gattling gun can’t render the slightest damage to Superman’s suit but Lois can easily cut it up using her scissors?

- Superman is supposed to be widely popular in the world, especially in Metropolis, but it seems that the doctors at the hospital taking care of Superman are stupid enough to try to inject him, knowing he’s the Man of Steel?

The errors and the blunders of this film are a-plenty enough to be so laughable. If some of you think that this is the kind of movie that will satisfy kids, my answer is No, this movie will make your kid go fall to sleep. Some of them will cry and become headaches as they try to drag you out of the theater asking to get home. This movie tries to impress claiming that it recaptures the innocence of the early Superman movies, yet the storyline reads “Soap Opera” dealing with love triangles and an illegitimate child, as if it was desperately trying to catch up to the script-rich excellence of “Spider-Man II” Bryan Singer WAS an excellent filmmaker. Past tense. Not until he walked away from the X-Men franchise and into this cinematic failure. Superman doesn’t throw a single punch. NOT A SINGLE F*IN PUNCH in this movie. If you bring out a character with his underwear out his pants, he should at least smash something!

Screening Schedules This Week (07-05-06)

ROBINSONS MOVIEWORLD
The Fast & The Furious: Tokyo Drift
12:30 PM, 2:45, 5, 7:15 PM
Superman Returns
12:45 PM, 4, 7:15 PM
The Lake House
1:15 PM, 3:15, 5:15, 7:15 PM
An American Haunting
1:15 PM, 3:15, 5:15, 7:15 PM

SM CITY CINEMA
Take The Lead
12:20 PM, 2:30, 4:40, 6:50, 9 PM
SUPERMAN RETURNS
11:30 AM, 2:20 PM, 5:10, 8 PM
The Fast & The Furious: Tokyo Drift
11:25 AM, 1:20 PM, 3:15, 5:10, 7:05, 9 PM
The Lake House
11:50 AM, 1:40 PM. 3:30, 5:20, 7:10, 9 PM
Superman Returns
12:30 PM, 3:20, 6:10, 9 PM
An American Haunting
12:15 PM, 2 PM, 3:45, 5:30, 7:15, 9 PM